Children Learn by Watching: Lessons from the Koi Mum Positive Parenting

“Children don’t follow advice — they follow example. When words and actions clash, trust shatters.”— © Koi Mum by Dr Lai Mei Kei Vivien

This quote from Koi Mum reminds us that children don’t just listen to what adults say—they watch what adults do. If a parent says one thing but acts differently, the child gets confused. Over time, this can break trust. But here’s the good news: even mistakes can become powerful teaching moments.

The Wisdom of the Koi Fish

In Chinese culture, the koi fish is a symbol of strength, patience, and transformation. There’s a famous legend about koi swimming upstream against strong currents. One koi reaches the top of a waterfall and transforms into a dragon. This story teaches us that growth comes from struggle—and that calm persistence leads to greatness.

Parents can learn from the koi. Instead of trying to be perfect, they can show strength by being honest, gentle, and willing to grow. Children will follow what they see—just like the koi follows the flow of water with grace and purpose.

Positive Parenting Means Progress, Not Perfection

Positive parenting is not about being flawless. It’s about being real. Every parent makes mistakes—what matters is how they respond. When parents admit their mistakes and show how they’re trying to improve, they teach children something even more valuable than rules: resilience.

Mistakes become “growth checkpoints”—moments to pause, reflect, and change. For example:

1.      If a parent loses their temper, they can later say, “I was frustrated, and I didn’t handle it well. I’m working on staying calm.”

2.      If a promise is broken, they can say, “I didn’t follow through, and I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time.”

These moments show children that it’s okay to mess up—and that growth is always possible. It teaches them to be kind to themselves and others when things go wrong.

How to Lead with Example

Here are simple ways to practice positive parenting:

1.      Model the behavior you want your child to learn.

2.      Admit mistakes and talk about how you’re changing.

3.      Stay calm and kind, even during tough times.

4.      Listen deeply to your child’s feelings.

5.      Celebrate effort, not just success.

When parents lead with honesty and heart, children learn to trust, adapt, and grow strong—just like the koi fish swimming upstream.

Final Thought

Dr Lai’s quote is more than advice—it’s a reminder that parenting is a journey. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who are willing to grow, just like they are. Every mistake is a chance to teach resilience, rebuild trust, and show that love means learning together.