Is socialization something that must happen in a school environment?

Are all students in traditional schools naturally social butterflies?

And what does it truly mean to be “well-socialized”?

Does it mean being able to get along with everyone, no matter what?

Let’s pause and reflect.

Many students in schools struggle with socialization—not because they lack the ability, but because the environment itself can be toxic. Bullying, peer pressure, exclusion, and negative friendship circles are real and common. Can we still call that “healthy socialization”?

To me, socialization is not a fixed skill—it’s a personal quality, just like learning style. Some children thrive in groups; others need quiet moments alone. And at different stages of life, our social needs change. Sometimes we seek connection; other times, solitude brings healing and inner peace.

Western education often emphasizes socialization as a benchmark of success. But our ancient Chinese wisdom teaches something deeper: inner peace. Confucius said, “The superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions.” Harmony within oneself is the foundation of harmony with others.

In this era of AI and constant connectivity, the ability to be alone—without feeling lonely—is a rare strength. It’s also a sign of emotional resilience. Many students don’t know how to sit with themselves. They stay in unhealthy friendships because they fear solitude. They feel lost when not surrounded by noise. That is a major source of emotional distress and depression among students in schools in Hong Kong.

Homeschoolers, on the other hand, often have the space to develop this inner strength. As long as they’re not completely withdrawn and know how to connect when needed, the standard norm of socialization should not be the only measure of growth.

Personally, I define socialization differently.

To me, it’s not about constant interaction or fitting into every group. It’s about three essential abilities:

1. The ability to maintain friendships at a respectful and meaningful level

2. The ability to disconnect from toxic relationships when needed

3. The ability to be your own best friend—cultivating inner calm and lasting happiness

I’m proud that, through our homeschooling journey, I’ve empowered Paris with a deeper understanding of socialization—not just the ability to interact, but the strength to connect meaningfully and stand confidently in solitude.

Dr Lai Mei Kei Vivien