I’m Not a Tiger Mum or a Helicopter Mum—I’m a Koi Mum (positive parenting mum) !

The Birth of Koi Mum: Dr. Lai Mei Kei Vivien and Her Homeschooling Journey with Daughter Paris

In Hong Kong—a city where exam scores seem to determine destiny and tutoring centers outnumber playgrounds—Dr. Lai Mei Kei Vivien found herself at a critical crossroads in parenting. Her daughter Paris, bright-eyed and full of curiosity, began showing signs of emotional fatigue. Homework piled high, and her smile slowly faded. As both a mother and educator, Dr. Lai knew: something had to change.

Dr. Lai didn’t just want Paris to succeed. 

She wanted Paris to smile again.

So, she made a bold decision: to withdraw Paris from the traditional education system and begin teaching her personally.

The Birth of Waterway Parenting: Flowing with the Stream, Rising Against the Current

As Dr. Lai accompanied Paris on her self-directed learning journey, she gradually discovered a powerful parenting model. The more she guided Paris through her interests, the more Paris flourished. The more Dr. Lai led by example—reading, reflecting, embracing mistakes—the more Paris showed resilience and growth.

Dr. Lai’s parenting style didn’t belong to the realm of Tiger Moms or Helicopter Parents. 

It was something gentler, more culturally attuned, and emotionally intelligent: Koi Mum.

She named this philosophy Waterway Parenting—a framework rooted in emotional attunement, cultural insight, life experience, and purposeful guidance. At its core was a parenting ethos refined through Dr. Lai’s lived experience and deep reflection: Koi Mum.

Why “Koi Mum”?

Dr. Lai coined the concept of “Koi Mum” based on the Chinese legend of koi fish swimming upstream—a symbol of resilience, grace, and emotional wisdom. Through her homeschooling journey, Dr. Lai saw herself as a Koi Mum—not pushing or forcing Paris from behind, but leading from the front. She modeled resilience, forward-thinking, joy, a growth mindset, emotional stability, integrity, and lifelong learning—guiding Paris to move forward with courage.

The Hong Kong Educational Pendulum: Finding Balance Between Pressure and Joy

Drawing from her rich homeschooling experience and deep insights into Chinese culture, philosophy, and academia, Dr. Lai proposed the Hong Kong Educational Pendulum Theory—with one end representing pressure, burnout, and rote memorization; and the other, freedom, joy, and self-exploration. Koi Mum parenting sits at the pendulum’s balance point—where joy and achievement harmonize.

Paris’s Leap: Not Just Entering University, But Elevating Her Life

At age 15, Paris was successfully admitted to university—not just because of her aptitude, but because she was a joyful, emotionally stable, and independent learner.

The Legacy of Koi Mum Parenting: Redefining Motherhood in Hong Kong

Dr. Lai’s journey isn’t just about Paris—it’s about redefining motherhood in Hong Kong. 

She proved that: 

Academic success doesn’t have to come at the cost of happiness. 

Parenting can be both gentle and firm. 

A mother doesn’t need fear or control to lead—she can guide with wisdom and grace.

Today, Dr. Lai’s “Koi Mum Parenting” is not only a call to swim upstream—it’s a profound reminder: 

The most powerful mother isn’t the loudest one, 

but the one who quietly leads by example, with unwavering strength.

© 鯉媽 Koi Mum Copyright © Dr. Lai Mei Kei Vivien. All rights reserved.

The Waterway Parenting philosophy, the Koi Mum parenting model, and the Hong Kong Educational Pendulum Theory were all originally created by Dr. Lai Mei Kei Vivien and may not be reproduced or adapted without authorization.